So for my 37th birthday this year, I chose to hike Mt. Ulap for three simple reasons:
1️⃣ It’s doable as a DIY climb.
2️⃣ It’s accessible from Baguio.
3️⃣ It’s flexible enough for families who want options.

Although Mt. Ulap is often labeled beginner-friendly, let me stress— it’s not an easy one.

⛰ Quick Details: Mt. Ulap Traverse (Ampucao → Sta. Fe)

Total Distance: 9.1 km
Hours on the Trail: Around 6 (including breaks and photo stops)
Difficulty: Moderate; Beginner-friendly, but expect long climbs
Our Group: 2 adults, 2 kids, and 1 dog 🐾 (free of charge)
Registration Fee: ₱100/adult · ₱20/teens · 12 yo & below free
Walking Stick: ₱100–200 each
DENR Fee: ₱30/adult · ₱15/child
Hiking Fee: ₱60 per head
Guide Fee: ₱800 per group up to 7 pax
Toilet Fee: ₱10 per use
Parking Fee: ₱100
Taxi from Exit (Sta. Fe → Ampucao): ₱400
Best Time to Start: Before 5:00 AM

💡 Tip: Bring small bills, refillable bottles, and lots of patience for the toilet queues! 😅

Getting There and Where We Stayed

Mt. Ulap is located in Itogon, Benguet, about 40 minutes from Baguio City and roughly 18 km from Wright Park. We decided to go DIY so we could adjust our plans depending on the weather (and maybe just stay in Baguio to celebrate if things didn’t go our way).

We left Manila early Friday morning, October 17, for a 4-day, 3-night stay in an Airbnb near Wright Park— one of my favorite areas in Baguio. The drive only took 4.5 hours via TPLEX, which used to take almost 6–8!

After arriving just in time for lunch, we stopped for groceries and supplies. One thing I love about Baguio: you don’t have to pack your whole house. 😅

Once we checked in, the kids got to work unpacking— our eldest took charge of clothes and toiletries, while the youngest busied himself organizing our groceries. Mike, our designated driver, went straight to rest, and I started preparing our hiking gear.

We decided to have dinner a bit earlier than usual so we could get enough sleep for the next day’s climb. Our daughter, Ry, looked for pet-friendly spots since we brought our dog, Charlie, along.

Early Start and Registration

At 4:15 AM the next morning, we were out the door heading to Ampucao jump-off point. The drive was smooth and the road is accessible even to small cars.

Registration at Barangay Ampucao was quick, about 10 minutes. We were assigned to Kenneth, a 19-year-old student who works as a guide on weekends. Before heading to the trailhead, we decided to buy some walking sticks (₱250 each, though we later saw vendors selling them for less 😢) and use the toilet one last time. (Tip: manage your expectations with the public toilets here—they’re serviceable, but not exactly sparkling clean.)

By 5:30, we began our trek. The first kilometer is a concrete path from the registration area to the actual trailhead. After paying the DENR fee, we started our ascent and quickly realized this trail was no walk in the park. The next 2 kilometers were already a solid uphill assault. Note to self (and anyone reading): wake those glutes and hamstrings up before hitting the trail!

Trail Highlights

One thing I loved about this route is how there are plenty of wide rest stops where you can catch your breath and take in the view without blocking the others. The weather was also perfect— about 19°C at the start, warming up to 28°C by midday. Even under the sun, the mountain breeze kept us comfortable, especially in the open ridges without tree cover.

By 7:30, we reached Ambanao Paway, the first peak. Since it was a Saturday, the area was packed with hikers waiting for their turn at the signage. Thankfully, the guides have a system to organize the line, though we still waited about 30 minutes for our photo.

This section marks the start of the grassland ridge, where shade becomes scarce but the panoramic views more than make up for it. If you brought sunblock, now’s the time to reapply!

On our way to the second peak, Mike stood up too quickly during one of our breaks, and his old back injury flared up again. I got worried, what if he couldn’t go on? Thankfully, he managed to reset himself (shoutout to our PT!), took some pain meds, and powered through.

The trail to the second peak felt longer, with alternating steep ascents and short descents. Around 9:30, we reached Gungal Rock, which looks strikingly like Pride Rock from The Lion King. We skipped the long photo queue there and took a family photo at the signage instead.

Nearby, there’s a small rest stop where you can buy ice candy, and a portalet available for a ₱10 fee. Make sure to bring loose change, your own wipes and alcohol!

At 10:15, after three more short but steep climbs, we finally reached the summit. There were fewer hikers here, so we got our photos right away. We spent a few minutes just soaking it all in— the view, the wind, the feeling of having made it together.

Refueling Before the Descent

After catching our breath, we trekked down to what locals fondly call “7-11”— a small canteen about 15 minutes from the summit. There are two eateries there; we picked one that served rice meals (₱180). The rest of the family had Pancit Canton (₱40 per pack), and I instantly regretted not getting the same— it just hits different up there!

They also sell drinks: sodas (₱40) and bottled water (₱75 per liter). This is a great spot to refill your bottles because the descent can take up to two hours.

After about a 30-minute lunch break, we started our descent. And just when we thought it would be easier, Mt. Ulap humbled us again.

The first stretch going down is rocky and slippery, especially on a dry day. I can’t imagine hiking here during the rainy season. The second half is a concrete path but still steep. Our daughter’s knees started aching; when I asked if she was okay, she said, “I don’t really have a choice.” (Relatable 😅)

A few hanging bridges later, we completed the 9.1-kilometer traverse— our longest and most challenging family hike yet.

The Finish Line

By 1 PM, we had reached the end of the trail, sipping fresh buko juice while waiting for a ride back to Brgy. Ampucao where our car was parked. No fights, no meltdowns, and no one asked to turn back— a small miracle worth celebrating.

Overall, yes, Mt. Ulap can be considered beginner-friendly in terms of logistics and terrain, but it still demands preparation and stamina. Don’t skip conditioning!

This hike will always be one for the books and one for the heart. A new core memory, and a beautiful way to honor my sister’s tradition while creating our own.

If you’re curious to see what the climb actually looked like— the laughter, the heavy breathing, the little moments that didn’t make it into words— I made a short reel of our Mt. Ulap adventure on Instagram.

Why can't Daddy be as calm as you?

That was our 10-year-old's question to my wife minutes after he threw a fit and I stormed out.

I've never been a calm person. I don't think I've been a patient one either.

At work, I enjoy being an individual contributor because then I have full control of my output—avoiding dependencies and mishaps when someone else drops the ball.

I've always preferred control and efficiency.

Which explains why, whenever our son is throwing a tantrum and screaming in my face, my default option is to walk away.

I have the solution in my head already, but he won't listen, so why waste time trying? I'll just come back and talk to him when he's in a calmer state.

We tried it before, and many times at that. But we always end up in a shouting match and me hurling hurtful words at him. And so, when he starts getting frustrated, I just walk away. I told myself it was the practical thing to do.

What I didn't realize was that this felt like abandonment to him. And it can be scary for a 10-year-old. To be left to himself to deal with whatever it is he's dealing with, this must've felt both frightening and heavy for him.

And so, after hearing him blurt those words out, I had to pause and reflect. Sure, it might seem like the right and logical decision for me to make, but I guess I never considered its effect on our son.

I tried talking myself into being calmer in these charged moments with our children, but that's like Sisyphus trying to get that giant boulder over a hill: pointless. Suppressing our emotions just makes things worse. It might not show right away, but it will surely come back to bite you later.

The new path we tried is more simple. Too simple even, so simple I wonder why I didn't try it sooner. And this has worked and still is working to this day, so I think there's some merit to that.

We simply tell him what's going on. No sugarcoating, no dressing it up. We just say it as it is, in words they can take in. The same way we'd talk to anyone else: plain and simple.

"I feel like I'm getting stressed a little now, and I'm just going to our room to take a break so I can be calmer when we talk later," or something along those lines.

And let me tell you, it's like magic.

Not only did this give us space to reflect and think of (1) how we're going to approach the conversation, but also (2) what exact words to say.

And that space was what I needed to realize I was just putting pressure on myself to come up with answers right away. I was expecting too much from myself.

Just being able to put that into words for our kids had a welcome effect on them too. They've become more articulate in telling us how they feel--whether in the heat of an argument or in everyday moments.

We still have a long way to go. There are times I slip back into my old ways of losing it and storming out but the difference now is that I can catch myself, admit it, and make it right with a simple, "I'm sorry, Daddy lost it."

I used to think calm meant never losing it at all, but I'm learning calm can also mean coming back, repairing, and trying again.

And maybe that's the reminder other parents need too: we don't have to be perfect to be good. As parenting expert Becky Kennedy puts it, "You are not defined by your reactivity or your moments of depletion or your latest behavior." Neither are our kids.

April 23, 2023

The night before was quite big and full attending a wedding in the province during one of the hottest days of the year. We got home pretty late. Spent from the long drive and all the socialization we had to do, we decided to let the kids sleep off their weary bodies all morning.

It’s a Sunday and we hoped to take advantage of what’s left on our weekend to hang out with the kids outdoors. After resting that entire morning, we thought of taking them to this carnival we’ve been wanting to go to just near our house. All of a sudden, everyone seemed to forget about being tired. Everyone was looking forward to going. Everyone was excited to get out of the house.

Until everyone isn’t.

Because Miguel had to put on socks.

I’m not so sure anymore when this started but I am 100% sure this was one of the worst days we had with him that it was such a core memory for me.

I remember asking the kids to put on their rubber shoes knowing full well that they would be inclined to run around when we’re outdoors and as a parent, I would very much prefer that their feet are protected when they do.

But as soon as Miguel started putting his socks on, he immediately got irritated and then started crying. He was complaining about the heat and the socks being very itchy. We couldn’t understand why because he’s been wearing socks prior this and this was the first time we heard him make a fuss about it.

Not knowing how to deal with this problem at the time, we retorted by fighting with him. We really wanted to leave and we wanted to leave NOW which obviously did not help at all but rather escalated to lots of shouting, Miguel throwing stuff around the house, and then we started threatening him with, “if you don’t stop this, we will ban you from using the gadgets.”

Ugh. This day sucked big time.

But then everyone got tired of fighting.

Mike and I decided to go down to our son’s level. We can fight fire with fire and eventually burn the house down or we could opt to extend grace and save what remains of our dignity.

We let him be on the floor for a moment, Mike was beside him reassuring him that we will wait for him.

We also let him skip wearing rubber shoes for this instance.

We were finally able to get out of the door, have fun at the carnival and salvage what’s left of the day not just for him but also for his sister who witnessed everything.

Up until this day, Miguel still finds it hard to wear socks sometimes. We learned that the stitches inside them are what’s causing the irritating feeling for him. We are still in search for comfortable ones so if you have any leads, let us know!

Be back soon for entry #3!

A Work in Progress Series

As we go on this journey of learning more about our easily-dysregulated child and how we are helping him, you may find raw feelings come to life and possible sensitive topics written in the entries.

But please be at peace knowing that as I share such private matters to you, our dear readers, it is never our intention to exploit the lives of our children (or any children) to gain attention.

With our son’s permission, allow me to open my heart to you as I narrate our experiences while keeping in mind that the goal, as always—to equip and help other families who might be going through the same challenges.

So let’s start from the beginning…

October 7, 2019.

Miguel was 5.

He decided to come with me to drive my nephew to the nearest MRT station and as most kids do during car rides, he fell asleep on our way back home.

I parked the car and gently woke him up but he wasn’t ready and started throwing a fit. I couldn’t handle him because he was really strong and he’s starting to become really violent. I decided to assert my authority and told him I couldn’t let him in the house yet until he’s calm.

I left him in our garage and as I go about to change my clothes, I heard him cry so loud while shouting that his blood is everywhere. I saw that he had cut his head. We went to the E.R. and he ended up getting sutures.

He told me he only remembered while he was in distress, he rolled on the floor and most likely hit a metal on the gate.

Be back soon for entry #2!

A Work in Progress Series

I was chatting with a friend over lunch about our past and the adversities we encountered. I was compelled to look back on those times our prayers weren’t answered the way we expected. We both then realized how God’s plan from way back is still at work: we are exactly where we are called to grow.

The Missed Opportunities:

2009

I was pregnant with our eldest, Ry, the same time I was granted a non-immigrant visa to the US. I took this once in a lifetime opportunity and Mike and I had this plan that he’ll just follow us to the States so we can all live and raise our family there permanently. Unfortunately, he was denied for a visa not once but twice which led us to the decision that it wasn’t going to work and we just have to move back home.

2019

Mike got a job in Singapore so we thought maybe this was the chance we’ve been waiting for. We went as far as looking for places to live, imagining our kids playing at East Coast Park, and had this rough computation of how much we need to move the family there. 2020 came and COVID happened and everything went into complete disarray. Mike was staying with us in Manila when the company he was working for decided to let him go.

2024

Following my sister’s passing, we were granted the guardianship of my 9-year-old niece which put a pause on our thoughts of relocating knowing we would need time to adjust and settle in first as a family of five.

But a couple of months ago, Mike had this very appealing job opportunity that required us to move to Dumaguete and once again, our minds went on hyper mode as we started researching about the place and how we’ll move our stuff. Sadly, the offer just didn’t materialize.

Despite giving up my non-immigrant visa from 2009, my parents were able to find a way to continue the petition. But a few weeks ago, we received a letter from USCIS telling us that unfortunately, there were some criteria that we didn’t meet ultimately forcing them to reject my application.

The Lesson

I bet some people would think of how our life so far as a series of unfortunate events or that maybe we’re not living right.

Honestly, I could easily think the same, or worse, I could have looked at this timeline and say, “Lord, it seems like you don’t really care for us. Instead of helping us live our dreams, it feels like you’re being selfish.”

And if I am to be completely honest, sometimes, I am tempted to.

But I know the kind of Father God is—His being, His character.

Our lives could have turned had every relocation opportunity been granted to us. We could have had access to a “better” life and we’ll be stuck in the idea that a better life will make us better people, better spouses, better parents.

Then I’d ponder: if our life did turn the way we planned it to be, if everything became so easy, what kind of spiritual life would we have? What lessons would we have learned and, as a result, impart to our children?

Would I be here today writing and telling you this story?

God knows what to withhold from us and for how long because He knows the kind of person we are more than ourselves or anyone else. Therefore I chose to see every rejection we faced (and will be facing) as opportunities to humble ourselves, on our knees, abiding to The One who will always provide.

I am convinced that every time we feel lost, we are not really lost. Sometimes, we are just being rerouted to a much better path.

And in the grand scheme of things, He, as always, has a bigger purpose.

Despite all the setbacks, God blessed Mike with a new job in a very good company with an office 20 minutes away from our house. As to what big purpose He has, I don’t know yet. Perhaps I’ll write about it again in a year or two.

Thank you to my friend, S, for inspiring me to share this story and for making me realize how much blessed I am.

At 1 a.m., however, I found myself wide awake with countless thoughts in my head. The fact that I didn't have a job offer 4 months after closing my business weighed heavily on me. I tried writing on my journal, doomscrolling, and ultimately praying to see if I could get my mind off it. I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep for the rest of the morning.

At 5 a.m., I woke him up but secretly hoping he'd call the bike ride off—I didn't feel like going to be honest. But instead, with both his eyes still closed, he raised one of his arms, gave me a thumbs up, and hurriedly grabbed his clothes which he prepared in advance last night.

The moment we rode out, the indifference slowly wore off. I was instantly transported to happier times when I didn’t have to worry about certain things. We had an absolute blast riding our bikes and even had breakfast at one of our favorite spots: an always-empty ampitheater. We talked about random stuff, how much we rode our bikes during the pandemic, and tried to find the tallest building within the business district.

When the sun started showing more of itself and traffic started to build up, we decided to head home but not before looking for stray cats and trying to pet them. In my mind, I was thinking about how I’d easily trade having lots of money with being able to spend these moments with our kids.

Parenting, at least the good kind, requires us to show up for our kids regardless of what we're going through as individuals. It helps reassure them of their place in our lives and no nanny, gadget, or extra curricular activity can replace that feeling of safety and security our children get from our presence alone.

No, we didn't hit our goal of 15 kilometers yet I was spent by the time we got home—mostly due to lack of sleep. My ever-supportive wife allowed me, encouraged even, to take an extended nap in the afternoon which I happily took. As I looked at photos and videos we took that morning, I couldn’t help but smile knowing that I made the right choice of pushing through with this morning’s short activity.

Before the day was over, Miggy came up to me and gave me a hug. I told him I really enjoyed our time together earlier and that I had a lot of fun. Before he let go of me, I heard him say, “me too.” ♥️

I wasn’t able to sleep due to problems with closing up the business and selling the remaining assets. This was on top of the kids who were sick and had cough at the time. As with most thoughts that I find in my head, I quickly jotted it down in my journal.

Trying to parent on your own while losing your [redacted] at the same time is [redacted] hard.

I was pretty much unlikeable on the first full day Nouelle wasn’t home—that is, in and of itself, a huge understatement. I would’ve resented me if I were the kids. I wouldn’t blame them if they wanted Mom instead.

Thankfully, we’ve established certain habits in our family at this point. During times when it’s just the three of us, we often decide to sleep in our room together. For me, it’s more of practicality—we save on electricity plus there’s less to clean since we’re just using one room. But for our kids, it was keeping Daddy company while Mom’s away.

Another habit is to come together as a family and say a prayer before calling it a day. This has not only helped in our spirituality but also had great benefits in that we won’t say a prayer for the sake of saying one or just to get it out of the way. If there was something preventing us from doing so, we needed to talk about it. Ephesians 4:26 in the Bible says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” and we’ve really planted this in our hearts.

All of a sudden my demeanor changed. Instead of ceasing agency over circumstances and just being stressed, I took it as a challenge. One of my prayers was to be able to reflect God’s values to this world—being loving, understanding, and patient among others. I considered this a test and as with most tests, I wanted to ace it.

I wanted to improve not just myself but my overall relationship with our kids. But first, I wanted to get an idea where we were starting from so I asked them to grade our day. No discussion on what constitutes an A, B, or F—just a simple instruction to think back on how the day went and give it a grade. Our 14-year-old RyRy, who’s always been the generous one, gave a B minus. Our 9-year-old Miggy, gave an F before rescinding it and replacing it with a C plus instead. I gave a D and said we can improve on a lot of things.

After doing this for the next couple of days, it started to become a habit the kids looked forward to before ending our day. By now, we weren’t just dishing out grades but also pairing it with a short explanation why. I said this is key because then we’d know the reason behind the grade and do something about it.

One evening, I gave a B minus and said it’s because I ended up feeling very tired from all the chores I had to do that day. This quickly gave way to conversations on how to help with the things we needed to do in the house. After having lunch the following day, Miggy asked, is there anything I can help you with?

Another time, we had what I thought was a pretty rough day and so I was looking forward to hearing what the kids would say. I told RyRy, today was pretty bad huh, prompting her to share how she felt about today. Surprisingly however, she replied with, “this is already better than yesterday,” and that’s how I knew we were on the right track.

It has been a challenging couple of weeks without Nouelle and I have to admit, it’s been somewhat hard managing a household while at the same time nursing an anxious mind. But slowly and surely, we were getting there.

What flipped the switch, I’d say, is changing our mindset about this time in our lives. I think the simple activity of grading our days before going to bed has wired our brains to think back, review the day, and realize there’s another one coming to either improve on mistakes or double down on good things we did.

It had that added benefit of admitting that mistakes were made which required humility. I also think that admitting to them that I had no idea what I’m doing helped. I remember saying, we’re not going to get a lot of things right the first time and that’s good because when we make mistakes—which we will—then we will realize the things we can improve on and make the next day better.

There was this day where I thought we’ve finally aced it. We’re going to finally get A’s, I thought to myself. We’ve been working so hard on improving ourselves and making adjustments so we’re not making the same mistakes time and again. We’ve made huge strides from the day we started grading our days so I had reason to believe we passed today with flying colors.

Me, A.

RyRy, A.

Miggy, C plus.

Initially, I thought did we miss something? Did something bad happen to him that we weren’t aware of? When I asked him to explain why he’s giving a C plus, he simply said because I [kept] watching [TV] until late and my heart quickly filled with joy. He was able to identify a mistake he made and owned up to it. Do you want me to remind you? I offered to help. He simply said, I think I can improve tomorrow. I’ll try.

The nice thing about giving grades to your day is that it’s somehow measurable. Regardless how accurate (or inaccurate), it’s still a measure—a standard. You can tell whether you had a great day or a crappy day instead of just saying today was okay which isn’t saying much and not actionable at all.

So give it a try. Before you tuck the kids in, go around and have everyone in the family grade your day. Hopefully, it’ll work wonders for your family like it did to ours. And if you’re in the same situation as I am, I hope it’ll help you keep the kids alive—I mean, occupied enough until the wife comes home.

Today is a Sunday and there was absolutely nothing that suggested it was different from any other Sunday. We had a stay-out helper scheduled to clean parts of the house and the kids opted to stay at home while Nouelle and I attended a worship service at a nearby church.

We put our phones on silent while the service is on-going. That statement obvious and certainly didn’t need to be written. But anyway, the service was about to end when we pulled out our phones to check on our kids and saw missed calls and messages.

DADDY! EMERGENCY! TWIX GOT RUNOVER BYE A CAR

Dddddddd

Aaaassa

Dadddy

PLS COME HOME

A neighbor was trying to reach us.

We rushed to exit the main worship hall and I immediately called our eldest. Cries and sobs greeted me on the other line while we were on the escalator. Right then and there I already knew. Twix, our Chihuahua who’s scheduled to celebrate his 12th birtrhday the following month, was gone.

Nouelle and I sprinted to the parking lot and raced out of the building. I ignored most traffic rules in an attempt to get home the soonest. This would’ve been a personal record if I had Strava turned on. I didn’t even bother parking the car properly and just ran inside.

That’s when we saw our daughter—with a friend of hers from the neighborhood trying to console her—hunched over and crying over a cardboard box containing Twix’s remains wrapped in a plastic bag, blood still visible.

Our eldest was deep in her emotions that we couldn’t get a clear picture of what happened without her bursting into tears; youngest was clearly shaken up but trying his best to keep it together. He gets it from me as I rarely show my emotions. It was never encouraged as I was growing up.

I ran the math in my head and accessed the CCTV to get the footage I needed to piece together a congruent story. I was always the logical one—the one who can keep his emotions separate—but watching how it happened frame by frame, feelings of disgust, anger, and melancholy rushed through my body. I couldn’t watch it for a second time. I started crying.

Five minutes. Five minutes is all it took for Twix to slip out of the door, walk out the gate, and get ran over by an SUV.

Day 1

I can’t find the exact words to describe how we were all feeling as a unit. Even Charlie, our Shih Tzu, looked sorrowful lying on the floor with his head down. He was trying to get into the box Twix’s body was in earlier, trying to wake him up perhaps wanting to play with him.

I felt helpless. As a parent, you want to be strong and be there for your kids yet you yourself is just as devastated as they are and experiencing a mix of mostly somber emotions. It’s hard to play the role of someone who has it together. That’s not me, at least not right now. But I had to be strong, even as a facade, for my family. I can’t count how many times I’ve lost it and cried. But I realized it’s better to just let it all out instead of keeping the emotions in.

I gave them full permission to take my attention away from work or wake me up in the middle of the night if they can’t sleep or just want someone to talk to. I’m reminded of how important it is to express and articulate these things after our daughter used this exact card rendering me widely awake while she slept soundly in our room. I don’t remember being able to sleep that night. If I hated the night before, this made it more unbearable.

But if anything, Twix passing away has made our family closer. We made sure to remind each other that we’re there for one another and make it a point to really show up when the need arises. Sure, the heaviness in the heart, the depression that consumes you when day turns to night, the melancholy that envelops you throughout the day—they don’t go away; but having someone share in the grief helps one way or another.

Day 2

There was a beautiful moment on the second night. Everyone was already asleep and my heart just suddenly felt very heavy. Memories of Twix flashed so quickly and vividly that I just lost it and burst into tears.

Not wanting to wake anyone up, I tried my best to hold it in—letting out just the faintest of sobs.

It didn’t take long for someone to squeeze in and give me a hug from behind.

Our daughter, right on cue, just as we promised one another.

Day 3

We're starting to heal.

I'm hearing more and more laughter throughout the day.

Hopefully the nights will also start to become easier.

Kids are back sleeping in their room. 13-year-old said, “I think I can do it,” with a smile.

I paused and reflected, “if we start being happy again, does that mean we’re forgetting about him?”

The thought stings.

It shouldn’t be zero-sum.

I’ll park it for now.

Day 9

We’ve managed to keep ourselves busy but there are times the sadness all of a sudden hits.

We’ve finally gotten his remains back—ashes, paw prints, etc—and it somehow feels like he’s home again.

Still missing him every moment.

Day 17

Words matter.

I was talking to our daughter and said, “I remember Twix..”

She immediately cut me and said, “don’t say ‘remember.’ Saying ‘remember’ means you’ve forgotten. Have you forgotten about him already?”

Yep. We’re still grieving.

Day 28

Today would’ve been his 12th birthday.

Nouelle bought him flowers from the market.

He probably would’ve spent it sleeping and eating and that would’ve been wonderfully alright.

Day 500

I’m finally able to write this story without having to stop and break down in the middle.

Kids have learned that it’s okay to cry and show one’s emotions.

On one drive heading home from a vacation, our now 14-year-old asked his brother a rather random question. “If you punch yourself and you cry, does it mean you’re strong or weak?” The 9-year-old quickly replied, and to my delight, “remember Daddy said when you cry it does not mean you’re weak?”

We’ve been walking Charlie in the mornings quite regularly these days and I sometimes can’t help but think Twix would’ve liked this then I’d quickly realize, no—he would’ve hated it and would rather just stay at home and sleep in his favorite bed.

Yep. Still missing him dearly. ♥️

One morning, as I was reading articles on my computer, I saw our 11-year-old in my peripheral vision sitting on the floor and staring blankly into space. As my attention switched to her, she noticed it and immediately said, “I’m not bored, okay? I’m just thinking,” and so I told her to carry on.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve gotten is to allow yourself to daydream. There’s a reason why most ideas are hatched in the shower or (admittedly) while sitting on the toilet seat. Leave room for doing absolutely nothing and watch ideas come to you instead of forcing them to do so.

“As Neil Gaiman taught me, the best way to defeat writer’s block is to get really bored,” the marketing guru Seth Godin recalls.

I can attest to these as most ideas come to me the moment I step away from the computer; further reinforcing the idea that allowing one’s self to daydream—thinking of absolutely nothing—fuels creativity. My daily dilemma has become choosing whether to listen to podcasts or read during my free time or allow my brain idle time to process input from previous days.

The musician, bestselling writer, and neuroscientist Daniel J. Levitin emphasizes that insights are far more likely to come when you are in the mind-wandering mode than in the task-focused mode. In psychology, mind-wandering mode happens within the default mode network (DMN).

The DMN is a system of connected brain areas that show increased activity when a person is not focused on the outside world. As a person idles and her mind drifts, the activity of the DMN may help give rise to ideas that other networks then vet and process further.1 But here’s the thing about the DMN: it cannot activate when you’re focused on a task; DMN is deactivated during cognitive task performance.

You need moments where you’re doing absolutely nothing to give your brain time to process all the input it has received. Otherwise, it’ll be like speed reading where you finish a book at record pace but can’t recall what it was about after a week or two.

One of the problems in a management style—which can be both in a business or a family setting—that demands tangible productivity is that it stifles creativity. Creative pursuits are best done in moments of silence and pause and you clearly cannot force creative insights off of someone with unnecessary prodding. On top of that, action doesn’t always result in productivity which goes in parallel with the worn out saying, “work smart, not hard.”

As parents, we can, at times, be the worst micromanagers by nagging and calling our kids’ attention every time they zone out (or seem to do so) or when we ask them to do something which clearly can wait but we do so anyway solely because it was convenient for us. These interruptions are costly—more so if the person is in the middle of a task and in a state of flow.

In his seminal book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes flow as a highly focused mental state conducive to productivity. Every business owner prizes productivity so you’d think it would make sense that they’d want their employees to experience flow at work as much as possible. But the truth is, managers can be an impediment to flow by having ever-changing goals, checking in impulsively, and having meetings one after the other—not allowing the person time to process input received previously.

When a person is in a flow state, they need to focus their attention to the task at hand and any lapse in concentration which can come in any form of interruption will cause the person to disengage from such state losing all momentum gained earlier.

At home, we can encourage this behavior by allowing our kids to zone out every now and then—especially after reading a book or a session of homeschooling. At work, we can schedule 30-minute pockets of uninterrupted time to give ourselves time to process all the input and perhaps come up with creative solutions. I would even suggest to actually create this as a public event in your calendar to (1) make it a habit and hold yourself accountable, and (2) to discourage people from inviting you into a meeting during this time.

So, what are you waiting for? Don’t waste your time reading unintelligible blog posts like this. Allow yourself, and in this case, others, to daydream and see which creative ideas you’ll come up with.

It’s okay to be bored. It’s okay to think. And like what I’ve told our 11-year-old earlier: go and carry on.

Why do we have to say yes to all gatherings? Why do we need to prepare so much food? Why do we have to spend a lot of money for gifts? Why do we sacrifice our own health to please everyone?

Oh believe me, we’ve done so much of that for many years until we’ve reached our breaking point and started asking ourselves: are all these really necessary and sustainable or are we just being sticklers to traditions?

The bad thing about constantly needing to follow the conventional is that it will eventually become an obligation. When it does, these so-called traditions will limit us from enjoying the moment. And it doesn’t just end with us, an even more scary thing is that we pass the same burden to our children and they too will be held prisoners to these practices.

Haven’t we learned enough during the pandemic when all of a sudden we realized that it’s okay to do things differently? That it’s fine to forgo traditions we used to uphold and still be called loving creatures? Now I know the world has somehow gone back to normal and some of us have quickly forgotten this important lesson—but not our family. The moment we decided to let go of the customaries that no longer served us, living became more simpler, enjoyable, and meaningful.

Therefore, this is the part where we started saying that we have “breakable traditions” in our family where our mentality is that not every season in life will be the same and we are free to break the familiar when things don’t feel the same anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not at all implying that traditions are evil and that we must immediately throw them out the window. I also believe that some have a beautiful purpose like preserving connection towards other people or on our culture. By all means, if your traditions bring you happiness and do not restrict you or your loved ones from living a peaceful life, keep them!

So how would you know if it’s time to break traditions and try something new?

1. When it starts to feel more like an obligation rather than a loving action

2. When it starts affecting your physical and mental health

3. When it takes away time from your children

4. When people stops participating

Also sharing with you some “breakable traditions” our family established over the years:

1. I don’t cook on Sundays so we either dine out or order in and every family member take turns in choosing where to eat.

2. We do road-trips and go on adventures in October.

3. We celebrate Christmas on the day itself as supposed to the traditional Filipino noche buena.

4. We order our favorite waffles for Christmas brunch.

5. Watch Home Alone over the holidays.

I can’t think of a more vital time for rethinking. As the coronavirus pandemic unfolded, many leaders around the world were slow to rethink their assumptions—first that the virus wouldn’t affect their countries, next that it would be no deadlier than the flu, and then that it could only be transmitted by people with visible symptoms. The cost in human life is still being tallied.

In the past few years we’ve all had to put our mental pliability to the test. We’ve been forced to question assumptions that we had long taken for granted: That it’s safe to go to the hospital, eat in a restaurant, and hug our parents or grandparents. That live sports will always be on TV. That we can get toilet paper and hand sanitizer whenever we need them.

As schools closed, teachers had to reimagine their classrooms virtually. As offices shut down, leaders had to rethink their resistance to remote work. Once we got a taste of freedom, many of us decided we wanted more. During the Great Resignation, record numbers of people didn’t just quit their jobs—they rethought their work and their lives. Some picked up and moved to different cities and countries. Others struck out on their own for the first time as entrepreneurs, freelancers, or creators.

I love this excerpt from Adam Grant’s book, Think Again. It is so true that our way of life and the way we used to see things have been challenged over the past years. If anything, the pandemic opened our minds to learn and unlearn a lot of things in life. And if I were to teach this lesson to our children, I want them to know that both commitment and flexibility needs to co-exist— commit to your non-negotiables: faith, health, family, and in everything else, keep a flexible mind.

How are you over the holidays? If you have any thoughts about family traditions, connect with us by leaving a comment below.

Wishing you a peaceful and enjoyable New Year! 🎉

Leave a comment

Saturday, October 21

We all set our alarms to the ungodly hour of 5am. Nouelle said we should all wake up early so we’d all be tired and sleepy by 5pm—giving us enough time to sleep until 12am of the next day.

We were set to leave Manila at 2am so we could get to Alvin and Angie’s place by 5:30am. If you know our family, we always aim to be early if not on time. 5:30am gives us enough time to settle down and check our lists before everything else.

Nouelle’s plan was to not book accommodation at Alvin and Angie’s. We were to park and leave the car at their place, hike Pinatubo, go back to their place, take a shower, and head to Clark where we booked an Airbnb for the next two days. The way she explained it, it really sounded like a cakewalk.

Sunday, October 22

We left Pasig at exactly 2am and our first stop was already at Petron Lakeshore along NLEX (~70kms from Pasig) at around 3:45am. We had our regular pitstop for whoever needs to use the restroom including our dog, Charlie. Since McDonald’s didn’t serve breakfast until 4am, we had to settle with their regular menu. The last time I ate a cheeseburger at 3am was probably in college after a night of drinking.

We exited at Dolores as advised by Alvin and passed by New Clark City before getting onto O’Donnel Road. There’s a checkpoint along O’Donnel Road as you enter Colonel Ernesto Ravina Air Base so be sure you have proper identification with you.

Nouelle brought her Driver’s License while I had my Philippine National ID with me. For minors, they don’t ask for IDs but my advice is to still bring some form of it just in case (we brought their IDs from their homeschool provider). Dogs, in this case, do not require identification.

We reached Alvin and Angie’s place at around 5:15am. There’s enough parking space for 10 vehicles so that wasn’t really a problem.

As we unloaded the things we’re going to bring with us on the trip, we saw guests coming out of their rooms. They were ones who booked accommodation the night or probably days before. Some of them were eating breakfast and having coffee when we got to the dining area which also served as the assembly point for everyone joining the hike.

I introduced myself to Alvin and asked if I could buy a cup of coffee a la carte and he quickly asked someone from the kitchen to prepare one for me. He handed me the cup of brewed coffee together with packets of sugar and creamer. “How much do I owe you?” I asked. “It’s on the house, Mike,” Alvin replied with a smile.

Going up

At 5:45am we hopped onto what they call a 4x4—basically a Toyota Land Cruiser from the eighties. We had a driver and the guide with us and they drove us to the registration area which was a couple hundred meters from Alvin and Angie’s place. They needed us to fill in and sign a couple of waivers prior to proceeding with the itinerary (a double waiver was required for Miguel who is 9 at the time). There were two kids with bamboo sticks who were selling it to us at P20 each. I wasn’t sure we needed it but we bought two and headed back to the vehicle.

We passed through the gate of Crow Valley Military Reservation at 6am and proceeded to pass through a mixed landscape of lahar and shallow streams. The ride was both bumpy and dusty, thankfully we packed neck gaiters and masks to cover both our noses and mouths.

We saw maybe two 4x4s that broke down along the way. Alvin mentioned that it usually happens but there’s no need to worry as they will radio a replacement right away. How long it’ll get to you will depend on how far you are in the trip. We were lucky that our vehicle didn’t have any problems all throughout.

Do note that there’s hardly any cellular coverage during the entire trip so keep that in mind in case you need to inform your family or friends regarding your whereabouts.

There’s a stopover at 6:30am for picture taking at what they call Toblerone Hills. We got off the vehicle to stretch and to walk Charlie for a bit as he needed to pee at this point. Aside from local kids walking around, there’s pretty much nothing to do here besides taking a couple of pictures. And so back to the vehicle we went and told both the driver and our guide we can proceed.

At 7:30am, an hour and a half since leaving Alvin and Angie’s place, we reached the parking spot for the vehicles. This is also where the hike going to the crater technically starts. It was mostly lahar-filled valleys with a mix of gravel and river crossings from here. If you’re used to walking on uneven and badly maintained sidewalks in Metro Manila, you’ll be fine. As for me, my already-bad lower back was just grateful for those bamboo sticks we bought earlier.

It was still early in the morning so the weather wasn’t that hot just yet. There were a couple of huge boulders that served as rest stops and we took some time to hydrate and eat some of the sandwiches we packed. Our guide proceeded to chain-smoke every single time we stopped to rest.

We spotted the first decent restroom at 8:30am. Nouelle is notorious for having a very small bladder so this was a godsend to her. Charlie, who was inside the sling the entire time, had a chance to walk and roll over on the grass. There’s a rest stop where you can buy snacks and drinks here. One 1-liter bottle of drinking water costs P100—enough margin to cover the logistics of bringing it up here on foot.

You can take photos of the somewhat official sign of the Mount Pinatubo hike here. There’s also a signage saying how long it’ll take a kid, adult, and senior citizen from here to the actual viewing deck—20 minutes for the seniors. From here, there’s a noticeable increase in greenery which helped shield us from the sun. Water started to look much clearer too.

At 9:30am, we reached the Mt. Pinatubo crater—the viewing deck at least.

If you paid for the package, the guide will start distributing your packed lunches together with one liter of drinking water—all of which he was carrying with him the entire time. Food was okay but has gone cold by now. Microwaves, understandably, aren’t a thing here. There are a couple of vendors here where you can buy bottles of water or soda for P100 each—surprisingly not more expensive than the ones from earlier. There’s also a guy with who sells grilled hotdogs for P50 each; add another P50 for a serving of white rice complete with paper plate and utensils.

From the viewing deck, you can go down right to the crater if you want to take a closer look at the lake. There are steps you can access just right of the viewing point sign. Probably less than a hundred flights and you’ll be down at the shore. The water was eerily calm and had this blue-green shade. With the guide telling us not to go into the water, it had that radioactive vibe which was supported by having not seen any fish swimming in the water. The view from above was better, at least to me.

Heading back

Around 10:30am, we started heading back. It was the exact same path we took earlier and it took around the same amount of time: a 2-hour hike from the viewing point to the 4x4 parking, and an hour and a half ride to Alvin and Angie’s place. The sun was above our heads during the ride and since the 4x4 didn’t have a roof at the back, we all came out with sunburns not long after. I’d highly suggest an application of sunblock prior to heading back.

We arrived at Alvin and Angie’s place 30 minutes earlier as our driver went crazy and went rally mode on the drive back overtaking maybe five vehicles in the process. The place is deserted by now but they still served us with a pitcher of ice-cold water. We rested for a bit before taking turns at the shower (there’s 3 of them) and packing our things. We decided to get our very late lunch at a Jollibee on our way to Clark.

A tl;dr of the above

Mount Pinatubo Tour Package c/o Alvin and Angie

• Contact: Facebook / +63 919 861 4102

• Inclusions: 4x4 ride to and from Mt. Pinatubo, local guide, all mandatory fees, 1-liter bottled water per guest, trek meal, use of toilet/shower/parking facilities at Alvin and Angie’s place

• Price: ₱6,600 (1pax), ₱3,450/ea (2pax), ₱2,650/ea (3pax), ₱2,450/ea (4pax); discounts apply for kids 10-years-old and below

Itinerary

• 5:30am - arrival at Alvin and Angie’s place

• 5:45am - registration

• 6:00am - 4x4 ride to parking area (1.5 hours)

• 7:30am - start of hike to crater (2 hours)

• 9:30am - arrival at Mt. Pinatubo crater; brunch

• 10:30am - hike going back to parking area (2 hours)

• 12:30pm - 4x4 ride going back (1.5 hours)

• 2:00pm - arrival at Alvin and Angie’s place

Learnings

It wasn’t an easy hike to be perfectly honest. At the same time, simply put, we weren’t that experienced. Our previous hikes consisted of beginner-types: Biak na Bato in Bulacan, Timberland Heights in Rizal, and Gulugod Baboy in Batangas.

Mt. Pinatubo was levels harder than those three combined yet we were all surprised by how capable each of us were given our resolve and determination to tick this off our list. Not even the blisters which started forming in my feet midway through could spoil this adventure.

Take note however that this is considered an intermediate hike and probably not well-suited for kids with no prior experience. In fact, aside from RyRy (14) and Miguel (9), we saw no other kids during the entire hike.

As suggestions, I’d say wear proper clothing and footwear. Sure, our guide was wearing flipflops but he’s probably done this a thousand times already. You will cross rivers so best to wear sandal-type ones or at least those that dry quickly. Make sure to bring a neck gaiter or something to cover your nose and mouth for the 4x4 ride which can be dusty especially in dry season.

Bring snacks in the form of sandwiches and perhaps some protein bars for a quick bite on the way up. Sunblock for the ride going back. Lastly, bring a lot of water and hydrate every so often. If you bought Alvin and Angie’s package, your guide will bring a liter of drinking water for you or you can always pay a premium and buy your water at either resting areas on the way up, ka-ching!

If you’re considering hiking Mt. Pinatubo, we hope we were able to help give you an idea of costs and what to expect. We highly recommend getting the package from Alvin and Angie not only so you could take a lot of things off your mind but also because they’re really great hosts. If you’ve done it yourselves, congratulations! We’d love to hear about your experience and if you have some tips you’d like to share with our small community, please leave a comment below.

As always, thanks for reading and safe travels! ♥️

Is marriage supposed to be 50/50—meaning the husband and wife put in fifty percent effort each totaling one hundred? One Christian pastor clearly didn’t think so. In fact, he said marriage should be 100/100 since each spouse should be putting their one hundred percent into the marriage. I’ll be honest. At first, I accepted both of these statements as true—received wisdom, as they’re often called. I mean, I’ve heard them so many times and they’ve been passed around so much that they have to hold true. Well, that’s what I thought.

One thing you’d quickly notice about the two approaches above is the expectation that each spouse puts in the equal amount of effort—and may the good God have mercy on you if you were ever found lacking. That’s how Nouelle and I lived out the first couple of years and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out how this would eventually take a toll on our marriage.

Instead of giving our best and having each other’s best interest in both heart and mind, we were constantly policing and checking whether the other is being fair and putting in the same amount of work, or effort. We were quick to call each other out whenever one of us is found to be half-assing something. It became a game of pointing out mistakes and nitpicking on each other’s faults. It wasn’t healthy and we needed things to change, and quickly.

Reading this, you’d probably figured out this story has a happy ending, right? I mean what’s the point of writing something if there wasn’t some sort of lesson at the very end. So, yes, we were able to address this but it didn’t happen fast. It took a while and a lot of reading. One of the books I attribute most of the improvements we’ve applied in our marriage is Mindset by Carol Dweck.

To people with a fixed mindset, success is about proving they’re smart and talented. It’s about validating themselves. The growth mindset, however, over-indexes on admitting one has room for improvement, thus having the desire to surround themselves with people who will find their faults, challenge them, and encourage them to learn new things. They don’t put a premium on validation as those with a fixed mindset. “This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts,” Dweck explains.

Which brings us back to the 50/50 and 100/100 rule of marriage. Had we both stuck with our fixed mindsets, we would’ve continued down this path of always being on our guard and hypercritical of the other whenever they slip. Rewiring our brains to favor a growth-mindset-type of thinking, we started to become more curious and started questioning conventional ideas and tradition—and whether they were still serving us in this day and age.

Starting our own business this year saw me become more and more busy jumping from one task to another. Since it wasn’t a fixed nine-to-five, work usually creeped into what supposedly was family time. There were times when I found myself stretching myself too thin and having almost nothing left for the family when work concluded for the day, if it ever did.

Things would’ve swiftly gone south had Nouelle and I carried the same fixed mindset with us, but praise God for how much we’ve both grown during the past couple of years. Constant communication and making time for one another—and keeping that time sacred—really helped us develop a better understanding of each other’s needs. A telltale sign of a developing growth mindset.

This led us to finally cracking the correct split of effort given when it came to marriage. It wasn’t 50/50 and it sure as hell wasn’t 100/100. The former reeked of mediocrity and the latter just didn’t make sense at all—both mathematically and logically. As much as everyone, especially upper management, hates getting this answer, the right one was: it depends. It depends which life stage your marriage is in and each marriage, obviously, is different.

Our marriage called for a 30/70 split during this life stage we’re currently in. I couldn’t give as much given all the workload and it called for Nouelle to put more into our marriage. I’ll admit—sometimes I can’t even hold up my end of the bargain because I was just too exhausted. While that might seem unfair, it actually is. Easy? Definitely not. But fair? Yes. As I’ve said, it will depend on the life stage you’re in. This life stage, as well as this split, are both temporary and that’s what makes it work.

My wife pointed out that the above can be prone to abuse which is why I needed to add some sort of disclaimer, emphasizing what I already mentioned a couple of paragraphs before. Constant communication and making time for one another should be the the bedrock of every marriage. It is by this foundation that we’re able to fairly distribute responsibilities to one another whether it’s a 30/70, 80/20, or sometimes even a 60/15 split—if it calls for that (my obsessive-compulsiveness almost didn’t allow for this).

We know there will be a time when Nouelle will be called to be more busy—perhaps in another venture we’ll partake in—and when that time comes, I’ll be more than happy to scale my busyness down to give more to our marriage. We realized that how much we put into the marriage will depend on the ebbs and flows of life and we need to be adaptable enough (hello, growth mindset 👋🏼) to make sure we’re both working on us as a couple no matter how busy the other person becomes.

Recently, Mike and I called for a family meeting to discuss with the kids work opportunities we’re considering to take on and how it would affect our day-to-day. I figured, since they’re older, they should be ready for bigger roles. This too, should be a good opportunity to teach them that building a home isn’t just about endless chores but also about making infinite decisions together. It’s teamwork.

When we met with our kids, it wasn’t at all structured like holding a town hall or a board meeting. We simply carved out time to sit with them in a coffee shop and just casually discuss our agenda. As the youngest started fidgeting with his toy, we began the conversation and waited for their thoughts. Basically, the idea was to make them feel what it’s like to be part of a team—communicating that our relationship is not in any way autocratic: you’re the kid, I’m the parent, you listen to me; but rather, I value your presence and your opinions matter to me.

Something that I have learned years ago is that if we want to raise kids who can fend for themselves, we need to respect them and, to a degree, treat them as our equal. This could mean providing a safe place where they can speak their minds, honor their choices (for as long as it aligns with our family values), and understand their very nature.

Our eldest, Ry, reminded us of accountability. When she expressed both her support and concern about us adding more to our plates, I thought of Charlotte Mason’s first principle: Children are born persons. This child, our child, born whole, was able to speak with such wisdom and emotions. This child, our child, was able to prove she is worthy and that she is not a cog in a machine, neither that she is a possession, like a pet animal (Susan Schaeffer Macaulay). This child is a person and our job is not to manipulate her into thinking that she is any less.

We spent 30 minutes talking with the kids and it may be short but I learned that it’s a very effective way in keeping the doors of communication and inclusivity open at home.

So if you’re thinking of holding a family meeting and wanted to incorporate a respectful atmosphere, below are some suggestions that you can consider especially if young kids are involved:

1. Do it in a different venue to minimize distractions. You won’t have family meeting everyday anyway, so make sure to aim to get their full attention when you do this.

2. Schedule ahead of time so family members can mentally and emotionally prepare for it. Ambushing people does not communicate respect.

3. Keep it casual, short, and direct. Remember, we, humans have a very short attention span.

4. Don’t expect immediate resolution. Give them time to process and always be ready to hear their thoughts.

   Share

   Leave a comment

This time around, we set aside time every week to watch a show of their choice. We agreed on Spy x Family on Netflix which, if I were being honest, was a little meh—at least the first couple of episodes. Okay, there were a ton of plotholes and I was literally falling asleep in the middle. But then again, we were determined as parents to do this activity as a family—to show our kids that we cared just as much about the things they were into.

We kept watching and by the time we got to maybe the 7th or 8th episode, I was truly enjoying the show and I could see everyone else were just as well. Post-watching, the family had discussions about the episode, which characters we likened ourselves to, and reciting random lines from the show. They’ve been fans for some time and were game enough not to spoil the rest of the season for us.

The other day, while on our way to church, our daughter chose to wore her Uniqlo shirt which featured characters from Spy x Family. I’ve seen her wear it before and didn’t give it any thought—just another shirt. Right before we got in the car, she told me with a smile and much excitement, "now you're able to name the characters in my shirt!"

And for a dad, that's just a clear W (that’s shorthand for win) that I'd never had the opportunity to experience had we not put in actual effort to meet our kids where they were. Had we been focused too much on our needs, we would’ve missed out on what Nouelle loves to call “magic moments” with our kids.

As a quick aside, and much to Nouelle’s dismay, the kids and I have been using the NBA Playoffs as a way to bond during times when the LA Lakers play. I love how they really get into the game while getting a good math exercise whenever I ask how much points we’re leading/trailing. Miggy, our 8-year-old even ended his prayer with, “I pray that LeBron’s team wins.” Hey, don’t look at me!1

As parents, we can easily get misled thinking free time equals me time. That’s okay to some extent—I can’t imagine not having time to myself, holed up somewhere, reading my Kindle—but we need to be mindful and intentionally carve out time to spend with our kids. Whether it’s by watching their favorite shows together or something as mundane as being a passenger on their make-believe vehicle (with speedometers reaching 1,000,000,000 kilometers-per-hour), these magic moments can easily turn into core memories that they will treasure throughout their lives. ♥️

“Stop hurting your sister,” is what came out of my mouth, and loud. Sometimes we parents blurt out what’s convenient—what’s going to let us get back to what we were doing—without thinking things through. I know I do this a lot but lately I’ve started to become more mindful especially of how our choice of words affect our children.

I remember tweeting something to the tune of this in 2020. “[Most] frustration when dealing with kids stem from the fact that we adults cannot be patient. [We’d] rather tell them what to do or do things for them for the sake of our own convenience.” is what my brainfart resulted to. So, yes, I am aware of this but awareness is worlds apart from actually practicing it.

So last night, after uttering that incoherent command, some other words started to form in my head. “If you don’t stop that, I’m going to take away your phone.” “Fight back!” “Separate, you two.” “You’re grounded.” That last bit almost comical as we’re back to being holed up in our houses due to the rising cases of COVID-19 in Manila.

The great thing about dishwashing is that it’s calming, well, at least for me. It’s my way of forcing a flow state in my day. Goal is clear: clean the dishes. Feedback is immediate: soaping, rinsing, putting them on the rack and seeing the amount of dirty dishes dwindle. Activity isn’t easy but also not impossible: three words, greasy microwaveable containers.

Going back, I told myself I’ll just wait it out and see what happens. After all, I was enjoying what I was doing (please don’t tell my wife) and halfway through soaping all the dishes. I do my dishwashing in 3 steps: soak, soap, rinse. If we had greasy food for dinner, I add a step of pouring hot water in there. I know I’m getting old when all I want is a kitchen faucet that dispenses hot water.

Okay, going back again. RyRy already went upstairs which leaves both myself and Miguel at the first floor, in the kitchen and in the living room respectively. I was about to utter something but I held it in last minute and just watched our 7-year-old gather himself and pick up a marker and a piece of paper. By now I was just rinsing the dishes—by far the easiest among the three steps—and so I could afford to multitask at this point.

In my mind, I was thinking “he’s going to write a hate letter.” I’ve seen many of these things before to at least have this judgment pass as valid. He started writing from a distance so I really couldn’t see nor make out the words. These soaped up dishes aren’t going to rinse themselves, I say to myself.

But then he moved closer to my direction. This time, I thought, he’s probably going to ask me to read his letter. But alas, he went on and spoke—almost to himself—saying, “Alexa, what’s the spelling of ‘sorry?’”

He was composing a letter to say sorry to his sister.

My heart melted just like the grease that was on the plate I was now rinsing squeaky clean.

Here I was thinking nothing good could come out of what happened and that this cycle of him hurting his older sister when things don’t go his way will just continue and yet here he was, realizing his mistake and doing his best (with the help of Alexa) to make amends.

And immediately I thought of writing about it so that I will always remember to practice what I preach—or in this case, tweet. But also, so that other parents would try to be more patient with their kids and trusting they will make good choices on their own. But more importantly, to share that there isn’t anything wrong with men washing the dishes and that dishwashing can be fun if you do it with the right attitude.

I’m not sure how it came to this but I hope that you picked up a lesson or two reading it—be it one of parenting or being a team player at home. At the end of the day, our kids, if we raise them right, will make good choices left to their own devices. Grease will always easily come out with hot water and undiluted dishwashing liquid—except when it’s spaghetti sauce on a microwaveable container. Unlike our kids, those things are hopeless and belong in a trash bin.

1. I don't have to be in everyone's business.

Although it's nice to know that people value your presence in their life, being in a lot of group chats, the phone constantly dinging, forwarded messages that later on proved to be fake news living rent-free in my head, sucking the energy out of me. It isn't just worth it archiving, muting, or leaving groups for the sake of my mental health but it also made my day-to-day more productive.

2. I have control over how I spend my time.

I don't blame people for being online 24/7 especially now that we are in a pandemic but I realized the more I stay connected, the less I get to spend quality time with the people who are right beside me. I learned to disconnect every now and then so I can be present in the moment. And you know what I discovered? Sometimes that person who needed me the most is actually ME.

3. There's so much peace in saying NO.

I was mentally drained during the last part of this year and Mike pointed out it's because I am too nice of a person. I am the type who would always show up and would even offer to do things for other people. I immediately heard Oprah's voice in my head saying, "We train people how to treat us. When we keep saying yes to them, they will always come back and want more from us."

I learned there's no shame in saying no to things you really don't want to do especially if it takes away so much peace from you. Plus, you get to teach people how to fend for themselves.

4. Ask WHY a couple of times.

Why am I doing this? Why am I buying this? Why am I posting this?

I am such a people pleaser. I find myself in situations where I would spend time, money, and energy all because I want people to like me. It's terrible because then, I do things out of vanity not because I genuinely care. So now, I would ask myself the question why at least a couple of times to learn my heart's true intentions.

5. There's so much strength in being still and quiet.

I learned moving a lot and moving quickly isn't the only way to solve life's problems. Sometimes it's when you pause, become still and quiet that you get to really think straight. And I have to thank yoga for making me realize this. I am able to be calmer and logical now rather than being reactive whenever challenges arise.

6. I need to stop apologizing for doing what is right at the moment.

Again this stems down to being a people pleaser. I like to say sorry for when I can't show up because my kids need me, reply to messages late because I was busy living my life, or when I can't give gifts because I chose to budget our finances. People will and should understand—no need for me to explain and most especially apologize for what I can offer at the moment.

7. I don't have to be good at everything.

I know I have skills and talents. I know I am capable. I know I can do many things. But do I have to? Do I have to be good at everything? Why can't we give chance for others to shine?

How about you? Are there any life lessons that you learned this year? Share it with us by leaving a comment below or sending us an email at hello@lifewithkids.blog.

Happy new year, everyone! Cheers!

At first, I thought we were just getting him a bike but little did we know, this purchase would come with some life lessons that would help us grow in our relationship and faith.

1. Preserve individuality in marriage.

When people learned about his bike, they immediately assumed I bought one for myself too. Their initial reaction was not directed towards Mike's bike or if he was enjoying his rides but rather to me with the million-dollar question, 'where's yours?'

Why is it that we expect married couples to always have the same interests, to always do things together, and match each other's energy like they have no other life outside of the relationship?

Mike and I realized for our marriage to thrive, we need to grow as our own person too. That means letting each other explore and learn different passions; setting aside days where the other can work on something that interested them or as we call it in today's culture: Me Time.

We learned not to take the phrase ...and they shall become one flesh or two become one literally.

I am genuinely happy he's able to fulfill this passion of his and take care of his overall health (most especially his mental health!) that I don't feel the need to join him or purchase something to make us even because marriage isn't supposed to be a competition.

2. Dream big, start small.

I hear of people dreaming of losing weight all the time but after knowing how much weight they needed to lose, they'd easily get discouraged and throw their fitness plans away.

Dreaming for something big or better is not bad. Actually, these dreams motivate and give us hope especially during this time when everything seems to be unbearable. The dream is not the problem, it's how we plan to achieve it. We either give up easily when things don't go our way or, sometimes, we tend to overthink that we never get to actually start.

Mike always dreamed of owning a bike but he didn't jump the gun and bought an expensive one. He got an entry-level one (at least that's what he claims he purchased). His reasons: a. he's not going to use it to compete or for other purposes like group meet-ups; b. he wants to learn how to maintain a bike because he's that kind of a person which actually came very handy because, on rides where he had a flat tire or loose chains, he is able to fix it and get home safely; c. he wants to test first if this is something he would enjoy doing long term and that he's not succumbing to the trend.

So whatever it is you've been dreaming of doing, start somewhere and enjoy learning along the way!

3. Be a good steward.

I know for sure this isn't an impulse buy. This was a well-prayed, well-thought, and well-prepared purchase.

During the pandemic, bikes were flying off the shelves. We waited for the store to restock the bike he wanted but the funny thing is, whenever they would, our finances would then be misaligned because we needed to divert funds to something more urgent.

And since we believe in the saying live below your means, we were very clear with our intentions that we will not use our credit card (yes we only have one because having more means more debts!) or take money from our savings. If God really meant for Mike to get a bike, we were willing to wait for an extra blessing.

Well, it was indeed for him, and buying it didn't feel like a burden.

True to his word, to this day, Mike maintains not just his bike but also our children's which is proof of being a good steward of God's blessings. I could not stress enough the importance of being one because hobbies, like biking, don't come cheap and it is hard to enjoy something you love if you're stuck paying for it for a long time, right?

It's been 4 months since Mike got his bike and is currently enjoying every ride that he now considers upgrading. I am not going to stop him if that's something that would make him happy and healthy. But I will remind him the same rules apply: pray, start small (or slowly), be a good steward, and let's see how God will surprise us!

Are you dreaming of something also but seem to be stuck or lost? We'd love to hear your story by leaving a comment below or sending us an email at hello@lifewithkids.blog.

I am worried.

I am scared that this could be Covid again. It’s been 2 days since I showed symptoms and I’d like to believe that God has a purpose for allowing me to be on my own as I took the liberty to isolate myself from the rest of the family. This is not easy for me mentally and emotionally especially today— it’s Fathers’ Day. 

I have cried during my first few days longing to be with my family. I can hear them but I can’t see them. Even worse, I lost my voice so I can’t talk to them between these thin walls.

It is very unfortunate that I got sick on a weekend. The HMO clinic and laboratory are closed so I have no choice but to stay put where I am and wait for the next business day. 

As I lay here in the kids’ bed, watching one movie after another, I started finding myself even more bored, restless, and emotional. In times like this, I am reminded by the testimonies of terminally ill patients and that of the Apostle Paul when he was in prison. They did not waste time moping around or busying themselves with other things, rather used the solitude they have to be closer to God. 

So I decided to turn this isolation into prayer and fasting. I told myself since I don’t have the appetite to eat, why not take advantage?

Today’s reading is from Hebrews 13:1-6 but I want to highlight verses 5-6:

Make sure that your character is free from the love of money, being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, ‘I will never desert you, nor will I ever abandon you,’ so that we confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What will man do to me?’

NASB2020

I was reminded that being lonely is not the same as being alone. Believers are never alone because God is always with us. I may be in isolation but that doesn’t mean I am literally disconnected from everybody else.

I feel so much relieved reading this and I think I will be able to sleep peacefully tonight.

June 23, 2021

It’s still lonely here on my isolation island. It’s my 5th day, my voice is starting to come back and I’m starting to feel absolutely better. I think I am experiencing spiritual breakthroughs too. 

From the very minute I started feeling sick I immediately asked God why again and what is it that He wants me to accomplish this time around. Assuming His answer, I rested on usual reasons like He wants to use me to tell about His kingdom or maybe He’s giving me an opportunity to do things I couldn’t or wouldn’t when I was well. With that in my head, I started formulating a list of the things I’d like to finish while I’m in here:

1. Fix book schedule for SY 2021-2022

2. Blog

3. Finish deliverables for a business

Which seems pretty harmless since I have so much time right now but why is it that I couldn’t gather the strength to do it?

Today’s reading is from Luke 5:1-7:

Now it happened that while the crowd was pressing around Him and listening to the word of God, He was standing by the lake of Gennesaret; and He saw two boats lying at the edge of the lake; but the fishermen had gotten out of them and were washing their nets. And He got into one of the boats, which was Simon’s, and asked him to put out a little distance from the land. And He sat down and continued teaching the crowds from the boat. Now when He had finished speaking, He said to Simon, 'Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.' Simon responded and said, 'Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing, but I will do as You say and let down the nets.' And when they had done this, they caught a great quantity of fish, and their nets began to tear; so they signaled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both of the boats, to the point that they were sinking. 

NASB2020

What a discovery! The first time Simon (later on called Peter) displayed his obedience to Jesus is not when he dropped everything and follow Him to do the ministry, but rather that moment when he let Jesus borrow his boat and even heeded to push it a little farther from the shore.

Suddenly, I recalled the phrase a mom in my book club said, “But seek first the kingdom of God…” It was like a light bulb that automatically switched on! Why is it that human beings like to complicate things? Why do we like to overthink and then complain that we’re so tired?

Seek first. Seek Him first and everything else will follow.

Peter took the first step and in Charles Stanley's words, “Saying yes to God in the small things is essential to discovering His purpose for us, and what’s more, our obedience will also often cause others to benefit. Peter’s compliance with Jesus’ next small request—to let down his nets one more time—resulted in two boatloads of fish, which was more than enough for all those with him.” Peter’s story did not just end here. He became an institution to the Christian church.

My sorrow quickly turned to joy, my worry to peace, and this isolation became a retreat.

June 26, 2021

IT’S NOT COVID! 

Had my test last Tuesday. It was negative and I am also feeling so much better today! Although my doctor told me to still limit my movements, I started practicing yoga every morning and slowly started seeing my family while making sure to continue practicing minimum health protocols.

As I end my isolation this week, I want to take note of my new learnings:

1. In today’s culture, it’s of the utmost importance to take extra care of our Spiritual life. Go into isolation once in a while to get really connected with the Lord.

2. Most of the time we tend to overlook God’s response to our prayers because we like to expect elaborate and grand miracles from Him. We need to go back to the very basic principle of the Christian life.

3. Being still, taking time to rest does not mean you are being useless. I realized that no time was wasted this past few days because this connection I had with the Lord is so fruitful.

4. I am reminded to be grateful despite the challenges. I thank God for the privileges I have today— the roof covering our heads, food delivery services to cover for me while in isolation, this spare room is readily available whenever someone in our household gets sick.

He just needed time with me and that made me feel so special.

Sars-CoV-2 viral RNA DETECTED the email clearly stated.

It's the beginning of 2021 and I am trying to align myself with personal goals which includes taking care of my physical and mental health. Even before the New Year, I already committed in joining Barre3's January Challenge for a stronger me.

But God was not sold to the idea. Nope! I have other plans for you, He said.

The Context

December 30.

Mike and I decided to head to the wet market to buy supplies for NYE festivities. Days before, we had been contemplating whether to push through with the plan knowing how such places can become overcrowded during the holidays. In normal circumstances, too many people in one place isn't really a big deal, but we're living in a rather different time now because of the pandemic and we had to really, really be careful.

Mike and I agreed that if we see people lined up outside, we would head back home. We didn't. We thought, we've already traveled this far it would be a shame to go home empty handed.

Days passed, our New Year celebration went as planned and I was so pumped up to start my January challenge:

• Wake up at 5AM

• Barre3 everyday

• Morning homeschool schedule

• Eat less carbs and processed sugar

• Eat more fruits, veggies, and protein rich food

• Use less to zero social media

• Read a new novel

• Prayer and fasting week

I honestly thought I did a great job on my very first day except the same night, I started feeling a little funny.

Exactly 5 days after our trip to the market, I experienced having mild flu like symptoms except the fever---colds, cough, headache, and fatigue. Initially, I tried to laugh it off thinking I probably overworked myself doing my January challenge. I'm such a weakling! But since Mike and I had a strong conviction about this virus, the need to report to our Local Government Unit became more sensible than denying the reality that this could be it.

I was immediately scheduled by our Barangay Health Office to get an ECLIA antibody test. Results turned out negative and my case was dismissed as nothing but a common viral infection. Despite my initial prognosis, I was determined to stay under home quarantine until I was well enough to interact with other people.

Our hearts were relieved by the news until after a couple of days I noticed I couldn't taste and smell anything. Although my previous symptoms did not worsen, it wasn’t getting better either even with the medicines and supplements I've been taking. I knew deep inside something was wrong. I know my body too well. I've had viral infections before and this isn't the same.

On the 14th day of the onset of my symptoms, 4 days after my ECLIA test, I decided to personally get a RT-PCR Swab Test at a drive-thru facility. During that time, we decided not to tell anyone until we knew for sure to avoid panic and confusion. After exactly 24 hours, I received the hospital's email with my results attached.

The week that followed, Mike and our daughter tested positive too while our son remained well and healthy.

The Lesson

Granted we shouldn't overlook the fact that we got infected partly because we were careless and my immune system didn't fight well enough. But I also believe getting sick has a greater purpose. For the 28 days we were under strict home quarantine, Mike and I were still privileged to join our church's prayer and fasting that helped me put the pieces of this puzzle together.

God has prepared us for this event.

If you think the mysterious things that happened to you in the past do not have any connection to who or where you are today, think again. Months ago, we couldn't explain the things that occured in our life like how Mike was able to come home from Singapore just before they halted air travel. And although he lost his job, he was able to get a new one couple of months before we got sick.

On Christmas, we were about to give each other gifts but God orchestrated something to happen that did not allow us to buy them which resulted in having enough savings for rainy days like this.; or how lucky we are to be living in one of the cities in Metro Manila which responded very well to the pandemic.

As I look back, I marveled at how God was actually preparing us for what was about to happen--- our bodies, our minds, our finances and our hearts. Everything that happened was according to His plans.

God's will was fulfilled in our lives.

You're probably thinking, "what do you mean God wanted you sick?" Do you believe God causes all things to work together for good? I know this might sound crazy but I have accepted that He meant for us to get COVID for reasons like: He is teaching us something and that lesson will be later on used to inspire others, to develop our character, for us to be closer to Him, and that HE IS WHO HE IS. He is God, we are humans and the fact that there will always be pain and suffering until Jesus comes again, we will really never be safe in this world. Knowing these things made me emotionally stable during those days that we were under quarantine.

God made us experience His love.

How can I therefore say God loves us when we're having a difficult time? After reading my test results, I started sending messages to our Barangay, to the community where we live, to our church support group, family, and close friends. Blessings poured our way. Since we can't go out, people offered to do grocery for us, people sent over food, medicine, and cleaning supplies; we were prayed for, people have been in constant communication with us. We were not once worried about our needs. We honestly received more during this time than our birthdays or any holidays. We experienced God's love through other people.

Don't Deny Reality

Having a strong faith does not give us the right to be negligent. In the same way, having a strong conviction about the virus does not necessarily mean the person lacks one. As the ancient saying goes, Do your best and God will do the rest. We are asked to participate rather than to passively wait for the Lord to do something.

I know I said God's will always prevail but I also couldn't help but blame ourselves for what happened. Here we were, privileged enough to work from home and had all the options available so that we can limit exposing ourselves but still, on that unfortunate day, we didn't use our better judgement. We could have honestly avoided contracting the virus and the possibility of spreading it.

Reality is, there's a threat waiting for you outside your door that could endanger not just your life but the lives of the vulnerable--- the elderly, the poor, people with underlying conditions; saying let go and let God is not enough.

The Future

Four weeks and some positive antibodies results later, Mike, RyRy and I were officially declared Recovered from the virus which meant we were no longer a threat to society. But how does one really recover from Covid-19?

I am convinced that the road to recovery is even more difficult, at least for me. There are times that I would still get anxious whenever my chest would tighten and would let out a cough. Days when I would think that I probably developed long term effects or what will happen if we get reinfected.

Despite our mild symptoms, I think our family became even more serious about this pandemic. We are more judicious on our whereabouts or who we come in contact with making sure it won't happen again to us especially to our loved ones because that will really break our hearts.

COVID indeed left a scar.

And although all these fears remain, I know my faith was once again made stronger and our little family grew a little bit more closer to one another learning so much from this tragic yet beautiful setback.

If you are experiencing any symptom, no matter how mild, please isolate and get in touch with your Local Government Unit immediately. They can help!

We complained about how hard it was to move around the living room because of all the “camping” stuff, how annoying Miggy was because he kept on jumping and running, how the S’mores' crumbs were going everywhere, how uncomfortable the beds were. At one point, Mike even said “the idea is good but in reality, this is terrible!”

Then I noticed our 11-year-old, RyRy, hid under her blanket and kept still for a while. I asked her what’s wrong but she didn’t budge. I shook her to the point she could no longer be in peace under the covers and immediately expressed how we were ruining this “camping trip” because we were angry and we kept complaining.

Oops! How insensitive of us, right?!

Immediately, we apologized to the kids, asked for their forgiveness and decided for this “camping trip” to continue as it should.

What did we learn here? 

First of all, we learned we’re not very good campers and we’ll probably get in each other’s necks if we were to do a real one! Next is that we should be extra careful how we talk in front of the kids. We always get disappointed with RyRy every time she complains but here we are, grumbling like there’s no tomorrow! Lastly, and as Mike told the kids, sometimes we need to do things beyond our comfort zones to make others happy.

No matter how tired we were that day, we pushed with our “camping” plans because we know how much the kids have been preparing for this. Mike even woke up with a splitting headache the next day that I told him to go and catch some more sleep in our bedroom. You do unthinkable things for the people you love. And when you do, they will never forget it.

True enough, when we sat together for breakfast in the morning, everyone seemed to have a fun story to share. Miggy even thanked me for setting this up and asked if we can do it again.

Will we ever do this again? Probably not! We decided if ever we will go camping, like the real one, we’d probably bring with us people who have actual real world experience.

Have you been on camping trip? How was the experience for you and your family like? We’d love to hear it by leaving a comment below or send us an using the contact form.