Living Eulogies: Celebrating Life Together
Eulogies, in and of themselves, are wonderful—almost like a spectacle comprised with the most amazing of intentions. Family and friends come up with the most beautiful words to describe and celebrate a person’s life. The obvious downside is, the recipient isn’t there to take pleasure in it.
It does, however, help build a community around that person’s life. People who instead would’ve been complete strangers to one another are now tied by a common thread. But wouldn’t it be nice if it achieved both instead of just one facet of it?
I’m an avid listener of podcasts of sorts. One of the newer ones I’ve started listening to is No Stupid Questions with both the co-author of Freakonomics, Stephen Dubner, and the author of Grit, Angela Duckworth, as hosts. I’ve read and loved various materials of these authors so a podcast they’re both hosting was a natural choice.
An episode they aired July 5th was titled, Wouldn’t It Be Better to Hear Your Eulogy Before You’re Dead?, with both of them trying to answer the question: should we have funerals before people die?
A typical birthday celebration starts with guests coming, a variety of pleasantries are exchanged—the always-present oh you’ve become fat or when are you getting married? asked by a conspicuous auntie—which is then followed by partaking of food. A couple more pleasantries and some catching up happens and then that’s it. Party’s over. The poor host carefully portions leftover food into plastic containers and begs the guests to take them home.
To break the dullness of what should’ve been a momentous event, Nouelle came up with an idea: to honor friends and family members on their birthday. Come to think of it, it’s the same as a living eulogy.
At first, I felt queasy since I’m not one who revels at the idea of doing speeches. Where should I begin with? Should I play it safe? Maybe insert a joke or two? What about a tearjerker?
Nouelle knew it was going to be uncomfortable for everyone—as trying new things always is—so she came up with a strict (and sensible) guide to only say good and positive things about the person. The other things can wait.
So what happened? Well, for starters, it was awkward to say the least. Especially for my side of the family which, more often than not, preferred to leave things unsaid. But after we’ve all gotten the hang of it, it became fun and something we actually look forward to.
It’s nice to hear people recount festive stories and watch the celebrant’s face light up as each person shares beautiful memories and admirable qualities one after the other.
When we celebrated our daughter’s 11th birthday last week, we had to adjust because of the current circumstances caused by COVID-19. Instead of doing it in-person, we asked friends and family to record themselves, greeting our daughter and sharing a thing or two about her. We were surprised with the creativity of some who offered theirs in the form of songs. Some, perhaps camera shy, offered text messages while the others sent in their artworks.
For our part as parents, we told her how much we loved how she’s grown. From the little bubbly girl who’s always the life of the party chasing little kids to play with her, she’s now the one being chased because they’ve seen how loving and caring she can be to her friends. Her 6-year-old brother ended the session by simply saying, “I like it when you always play with me.”
I should also add that it’s a good idea to have all these recorded for later viewing or listening.
To make sure we only stick to what's nurturing to the celebrant, we made the following list which you can also use as a guide:
What’s something you love or admire about the person?
What are some of the best memories or unforgettable experiences you have with the celebrant?
Share some funny stories involving the celebrant.
How did this person affect your life positively?
You can insert wishes you may have for the celebrant towards the end.
Remember to focus on the positive traits and happy memories. Areas of improvement or criticisms should be skipped and discussed in a different setting—this isn’t a therapy session. As a rule of thumb, and going back to the eulogy analogy, skip anything you wouldn’t share in a funeral.
Would I recommend others do it? Absolutely. Give it a try and celebrate the lives of your friends and loved ones while they can take pleasure in it and not a moment too late.
Let us know how it goes by leaving a comment below.