I have always been a believer of involving kids at home. Probably one of the perks of being a full-time homemaker with no hired help is that I am forced to immerse our children, even at a very young age, to what it’s really like to have responsibilities.
Recently, Mike and I called for a family meeting to discuss with the kids work opportunities we’re considering to take on and how it would affect our day-to-day. I figured, since they’re older, they should be ready for bigger roles. This too, should be a good opportunity to teach them that building a home isn’t just about endless chores but also about making infinite decisions together. It’s teamwork.
When we met with our kids, it wasn’t at all structured like holding a town hall or a board meeting. We simply carved out time to sit with them in a coffee shop and just casually discuss our agenda. As the youngest started fidgeting with his toy, we began the conversation and waited for their thoughts. Basically, the idea was to make them feel what it’s like to be part of a team—communicating that our relationship is not in any way autocratic: you’re the kid, I’m the parent, you listen to me; but rather, I value your presence and your opinions matter to me.
Something that I have learned years ago is that if we want to raise kids who can fend for themselves, we need to respect them and, to a degree, treat them as our equal. This could mean providing a safe place where they can speak their minds, honor their choices (for as long as it aligns with our family values), and understand their very nature.
Our eldest, Ry, reminded us of accountability. When she expressed both her support and concern about us adding more to our plates, I thought of Charlotte Mason’s first principle: Children are born persons. This child, our child, born whole, was able to speak with such wisdom and emotions. This child, our child, was able to prove she is worthy and that she is not a cog in a machine, neither that she is a possession, like a pet animal (Susan Schaeffer Macaulay). This child is a person and our job is not to manipulate her into thinking that she is any less.
We spent 30 minutes talking with the kids and it may be short but I learned that it’s a very effective way in keeping the doors of communication and inclusivity open at home.
So if you’re thinking of holding a family meeting and wanted to incorporate a respectful atmosphere, below are some suggestions that you can consider especially if young kids are involved:
Do it in a different venue to minimize distractions. You won’t have family meeting everyday anyway, so make sure to aim to get their full attention when you do this.
Schedule ahead of time so family members can mentally and emotionally prepare for it. Ambushing people does not communicate respect.
Keep it casual, short, and direct. Remember, we, humans have a very short attention span.
Don’t expect immediate resolution. Give them time to process and always be ready to hear their thoughts.