To Show Up or Not to Show Up
No, that shouldn't even be a question
The night before, our 9-year-old son, Miggy, asked me if we could ride our bikes early next morning. It’s been a while since we last rode together and seeing his mom—in the very rare occasion that she actually does—get on a bike reignited his itch to do the same. He wanted to ride out as the sun was rising and do 15 kilometers in total. As someone who'd find any excuse to ride his bike, I happily obliged.
At 1am, however, I found myself wide awake with countless thoughts in my head. The fact that I didn't have a job offer 4 months after closing my business weighed heavily on me. I tried writing on my journal, doomscrolling, and ultimately praying to see if I could get my mind off it. I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep for the rest of the morning.
At 5am, I woke him up but secretly hoping he'd call the bike ride off—I didn't feel like going to be honest. But instead, with both his eyes still closed, he raised one of his arms, gave me a thumbs up, and hurriedly grabbed his clothes which he prepared in advance last night.
The moment we rode out, the indifference slowly wore off. I was instantly transported to happier times when I didn’t have to worry about certain things. We had an absolute blast riding our bikes and even had breakfast at one of our favorite spots: an always-empty ampitheater. We talked about random stuff, how much we rode our bikes during the pandemic, and tried to find the tallest building within the business district.
When the sun started showing more of itself and traffic started to build up, we decided to head home but not before looking for stray cats and trying to pet them. In my mind, I was thinking about how I’d easily trade having lots of money with being able to spend these moments with our kids.
Parenting, at least the good kind, requires us to show up for our kids regardless of what we're going through as individuals. It helps reassure them of their place in our lives and no nanny, gadget, or extra curricular activity can replace that feeling of safety and security our children get from our presence alone.
No, we didn't hit our goal of 15 kilometers yet I was spent by the time we got home—mostly due to lack of sleep. My ever-supportive wife allowed me, encouraged even, to take an extended nap in the afternoon which I happily took. As I looked at photos and videos we took that morning, I couldn’t help but smile knowing that I made the right choice of pushing through with this morning’s short activity.
Before the day was over, Miggy came up to me and gave me a hug. I told him I really enjoyed our time together earlier and that I had a lot of fun. Before he let go of me, I heard him say, “me too.” ♥️
